The Mad Scientist's Mad Assistant
by Ninnik Nishukan
Summary: "I've got a handful of vertebrae and a headful of mad." Shego-centric flash!fic. Not so much with the shippiness this time. Season 2, mostly.


**The Mad Scientist's Mad Assistant**

Ninnik Nishukan

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**Summary:** "I've got a handful of vertebrae and a headful of mad." Not so much with the shippiness this time. More of a Shego-centric flash!fic. Season 2, mostly.

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They're all mad.

Of course they are. It's practically in the job description— heck, it _is_ in the job description.

Mad scientists.

There are several, of course, but this one appears to be the only one around with an official assistant. A sidekick, even.

And what does that make _her_? Mad? She really has no basis for comparison. She doesn't know how people in her position are, how they're supposed to turn out.

There's really no clear mould, no stereotype…except for maybe Igor, but if _she's_ Igor, then _Drakken's_ the Queen of Sheba.

Eh, she supposes she doesn't need any manuals on what to expect, and _definitely_ no Evil Sidekicks Anonymous support group— she's always been independent. She'll be fine.

As she stands there on a hot summer afternoon, though, loading cases of fruity lickies into the back of an evil undercover _ice cream _van— _and wearing an ice cream seller's uniform, let's not forget that; least of all the stupid hat_— she realizes that she can shake her head and she can complain and everything— but she's still _doing_ it, and _why_ is she doing it?

There's bound to be less bizarre ways in which to have an adventurous life. There's bound to be less bizarre ways in which to get rich, in which to get power. Sorta more _James Bond_, less _Abbot and Costello Meet Frankenstein_. There _has_ to be. And yet she's not out there _doing_ those things.

It's at this point that she starts questioning her own sanity, if only a little bit.

Of course, she should've probably started doing that at least a year ago, maybe two.

'Insane' was coming back to work for an employer who'd wanted to _clone_ you. 'Insane' was thinking that switching your employer's brain with somebody else's was just another day on the job. 'Insane' was riding around on a thirty-foot, pink mutant poodle. 'Insane' was— well, _criminally_ insane is trying to melt, crush, electrocute, blow up and just in general kill a couple of teenagers every week, the failure to do so annoying you in the same way a flat tire during rush hour or a permanently stuck kitchen drawer would annoy a normal person.

So there are times when her life is more like adrenaline-fueled fury, lust for vengeance and power, lust for the pure joy of evil, when she can feel it coursing through them— Mad Scientist and Mad Assistant both— and she forgets the fact that she occasionally has to do things that makes her feel like she's part of some washed-out comedy duo desperately trying to make a living.

So she's criminally insane. So what? That brat has it coming. They both do. _And_ the creepy pet. It's their own fault for sticking their pink little noses where they don't belong.

'Insane' is _looking forward_ to it. No more pesky vigilante kids.

Feeling the triumph of the victory, hearing her employer's evil laughter ringing out— yeah, it'll be _swell_.

The thing is that she kinda, sorta _likes_ this weird brand of madness she apparently possesses. It's only the fact that she always considered herself the sensible one in her family that makes her squirm a bit.

Now _they_ were insane. Her brothers; all insane. The hyperactivity of the twins, Mego's all-encompassing ego and Hego's grating hero complex…all making up the four-headed monster of well-meaning, nagging, demanding, perky, whiny self-righteousness that sometimes still seems to follow her. Oh, yeah, and then there's their flabbergasting desire to continue living with their siblings even after reaching an adult age, and dress up in matching costumes and fight lame theme villains without getting paid for it, no less— can't forget _that_.

So yeah, she considered herself the stable, sensible one, despite her secret desire for crime…but now…well, fighting lame theme villains is _nothing_ compared to the outlandish stuff she's done since she became a villain herself— things she _keeps _doing, things she _likes_ to keep doing—

Of course, it _is_ a small consolation that, next to Drakken, she still looks sensible and stable.

But then again…who's really the most insane? The insane person or the insane person who follows them?

And 'insane' is _definitely_— all as calmly as if you're tying your shoes— giving your nemesis an actual _visual presentation,_ complete with a flipboard with hand-drawn illustrations and everything, of how you're planning to kill them, which happens to be a) trapping them in a box, b) welding it shut and lowering it down into a lake in which you've just set free a giant squid and a giant shark, before you c) freeze the lake over to make sure your nemesis doesn't escape. Not that Shego sees anything wrong with it, morally, but maybe—

"Dr. D…isn't this a bit too _much_?" She wonders out loud as they walk away.

He blinks at her. "How so? You _know_ what an escape artist that girl is! She's slipped through our grasp more times than a greasy eel, and if this is what it takes to put a stop to her, then—"

"Yeah, yeah, I know, but it still seems a little, um…_insane_."

He's unfazed; his grin is huge, and quite self-satisfied. "Only the _best_ kind of insane, Shego."

She holds back a chuckle. "Oh, so the _best_ kind, huh?"

He nods firmly. "And isn't sanity really just a one-trick pony, anyway? I mean, all you get is _one_ trick, rational thinking, but when you're good and crazy, oooh, oooh, oooh, the sky's the limit!"

She shakes her head, smirking.

In her life, most things beyond the 'get defeated by teenage foe' part are wildly unpredictable. Maybe that's what makes her so calm about the madness.

Because she's just completely allergic to 'boring'.

**The End.

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**Author's notes:** Probably written in about an hour or two, right after the idea came to me. :P I don't have time for much more these days.

**The Mad Scientist's Mad Assistant: **What Ron called Shego in _Bueno Nacho_, season 1. For some reason, it stuck with me and made me wonder. So I just wanted to explore a bit about what Shego's…well, _about_, and without the 'aww, she stays because she luffles Drakken' angle this time. I'm sure there are lots of other reasons, especially earlier in the show. :P For some reason, I'm a bit sick of writing romance, anyway. XD

**"I've got a handful of vertebrae and a headful of mad.":** Completely stolen from _The Tick_.

'**Insane' was coming back to work for an employer who'd wanted to **_**clone**_** you.: **_Kimitation Nation_, season 1.

'**Insane' was thinking that switching your employer's brain with somebody else's was just another day on the job.:** _Mind Games_, season 1.

**Thirty-foot, pink mutant poodle:** _Rufus VS Commodore Puddles_, season 2.

**Ice cream van:** _The Golden Years_, season 2.

**Box/squid/shark/frozen lake:** _Hidden Talent_, season 2.

"**And isn't sanity really just a one-trick pony anyway? I mean, all you get is **_**one**_** trick, rational thinking, but when you're good and crazy, oooh, oooh, oooh, the sky's the limit!":** Also stolen from _The Tick_.

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End file.
